


My Journey After You

by west_haven



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, Left Behind spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1190895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/west_haven/pseuds/west_haven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both of the girls have been bitten by infected, so it was only time before Ellie and Riley succumb to the disease. Or is it? This is my interpretation on what happens after Left Behind and leading up to the main story of The Last of Us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For best results, read my other fic, Together We Fall, before this because it kind of ties into this and it'll make you not feel quite as sad. Plus it has a bit more fluff than this, haha.

The end of our world was coming and we simply sat there and took it.

It was something I slowly tried to accept; after my outburst against some potted plants and a sit down with Riley, we decided to just enjoy our last hours with each other.

We would alternate between cracking a joke, crying and then kissing, mostly in that order. I'd brush my hands over her cheeks as we kissed, my fingers running over smooth skin made wet by tears. Riley was always so strong, especially from that first moment I met her. It was earth shattering seeing her this way.

She was right: this definitely wasn't the easy way out.

Her skin began to feel warm and she started rubbing her eyes while murmuring something about a headache. I just felt numb to it all; my body was still in complete shock. From that moment where Riley pointed out my wound, I hadn't stopped shaking.

We wandered back to the merry-go-round and sat at some tables nearby. The lights were still so pretty but the happiness I felt when I initially saw them was long gone. I sat across from her and slumped on the table.

"I'm ready for that vacation right about now. I am so ready."

Riley looked at me with tired, bloodshot eyes. "Yeah, I could go for some sand and sun... and stuff." She trailed off, which worried me. My hands clasped hers.

With a heavy sigh, she wiggled one hand out of my grasp and reached behind her. Her gun clanked on the table and she whispered, "Just in case."

'Just in case?!' I thought frantically. I didn't want to imagine a scenario where I had to actually use a gun.

The weapon on the dirty table kept my attention as Riley rubbed at her eyes again. She cleared her throat and suddenly said, "I think I love you."

I blinked in shock as I tried to form words back at her.

"Nah, you see...." She continued. "You see, you make me so mad sometimes. You don't let issues drop, but that keeps me in line." A smile grew over her face. "Mostly."

"And, uh.... so how does that factor into, ah...love?"

Her eyes met mine and then it seemed so simple. "I guess I'm trying to say that you complete me."

I bit my lip and tried not to laugh. "You really are a sap. But...." My hands tightened around hers, her bite and all. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

There was a pause and we looked at each other, really taking each other in. "Ellie, I really fuckin' wanna kiss you."

I grinned and began to lean over the table where she met me halfway. Kissing over a table was a little bit more uncomfortable than I imagined, so I slipped to one side to sit next to her. She must have sensed what I was going to do, though, because one of her thin arms came around my waist and pulled me into her lap instead.

Riley burst out laughing, something that hadn't happened since we were bitten. "Oh lord, girl, you need to see your face." I could feel my face turn even redder. She embraced me tightly until I pulled away slightly to kiss her back.

Once again, we were wrapped into our own little world. It was like things were normal and we weren't about to die. We lazily talked, almost like two old lovers. I sat in her arms forever, at least, until they went slack around me.

Her shaky breath slowed and then she convulsed, knocking me out of her lap. She jerked out of her seat and screamed. Her limbs twitched as she stood up and stumbled a few feet away.

"Riley!!" I couldn't help but shout, despite my fear. I must be a few steps behind her, about to turn too. Our time together is up.

She turned towards my voice and my heart stopped. This was the last image of Riley that would be burned into my mind until I meet the same fate. Tears and blood had streamed from her red eyes while her skin and lips took on an ashen color. She still looked like Riley, but something had broken in her, making her seem like a wild and sick animal.

A strangled noise erupted from her throat and instantly I went into flight or fight mode. I lunged for the gun but Riley followed my movements and almost jumped over the table.

Before I knew it, my finger found the trigger and I blasted four bullets into her. I instantly froze as her broken body hit the ground. Tears began to trickle down my face as it sunk in what I just did.

"I am... I am so sorry. Wh--" My voice broke in my throat. I suddenly couldn't breathe.

I quickly sat down in the seats we both were just in. My head felt heavy, so I started to rest it in my hands. Or, at least, I was going to. I was still holding that horrible gun; in anger, I flung it at the merry-go-round and hit one of it's horses.

I cradled my head in my hands, trying to remember. What was the last thing I said to her? And what did she say to me? How can I not remember something so important like that?

With a shaky breath, I rose to my feet. I almost tripped over them as I ran to get to anywhere that wasn't near Riley. It was my moment of weakness that I didn't want her to see even though she was dead.

In front of me was one of the exits to the mall. It had been gated up long before this, but it at least let me see the outside one last time. The sun was setting, which surprised me. I guess we had been here for a lot longer than I had thought.

I could feel it, though; my time was coming to an end soon.

Hours passed with me sitting at the mall exit with my head in my arms. I could still smell blood from my cursed bite. I was growing so tired. Without meaning to, I fell asleep. No dreams came to me, but considering all I had been through, that was probably a blessing.

However when I woke up in front of a new, bright morning, I grew very confused. It had to have been almost twenty-four hours since I had been bitten. Was this normal? As much as I didn't want to, I looked at my wound on my right arm.

I stared at the bite. Even some of the deeper puncture wounds of the bite had started to scab over, almost like a simple dog bite. There was some angry scar tissue already forming around the marks, but other than that, it didn't really look infected at all.

"Why?? Why haven't I turned yet?" I shouted at no one; I shouted at Riley.

Against my better judgement, I ran over to the carousel. Riley's body still lie between the tables, a cold corpse that was once a beautiful person. I took a deep breath and reached for her hand.

It was so disgusting, I immediately dropped it. A trail of fungus grew outwards on the edges of the largest bite mark and the wound was still wet with some sort of white fluid.

I quickly held up my arm in comparison. To my horror, it was like night and day.

That cannot be possible.

I walked in a stupor. The empty walkways of the mall had seemed so fantastic with Riley, but I didn't see any of that anymore. And after a few minutes, I couldn't see at all. A grey cloud wrapped itself around me and I kept on walking for a few steps before I came to my senses.

I had walked right into a cloud of spores. Instinct screamed for me to get out of there, but what did I have to lose? I was infected and I knew my time was near. And when I die, then I'd see Riley again. I held onto that hope as I walked deeper into the thick fog of spores. It had a strong smell, very earthy but with a twang of something foul smelling.

I breathed deep and coughed. Maybe if I inhaled I'd turn faster. With every breath, I willed the spores to finally kill me. I was done with this torture.

I held those thoughts in my mind until day two. I stumbled around the mall and waited for something to happen.

It never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part one. I'm not sure how long of a fic this is gonna be; I'm just kind of going with the flow. I do want to cover a lot of the in between stuff, so next chapter should introduce Marlene. Stay tuned, and thank you guys so much for the kudos on my other two TLOU fics!! It definitely gave me the balls to post this fic, haha.


	2. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie starts the healing process, though she knows it won't be easy. Things will never be simple again; her childhood was over.

What if something was wrong with me? I shook my head, no, not "wrong". It's a good thing I didn't succumb to the infection.

Isn't it?

The question I didn't want to ignore and repress, though, is what the hell am I going to do now?

Where could a potentially infected person go anyway? I had never heard of this happening before, not even a rumor, so this was unprecedented.

I stood there in the middle of the mall where a bit of sky was showing through the caved in ceiling. With a deep breath, I made my decision.

Riley said to fight, so I'm gonna fight.

I approached a small stream of water leaking from the rafters and cupped my hands under it. It might not be the most sanitary, but since I am covered in blood and dirt, not to mention having an open wound, it'll have to do. The cold water splashed over my face and I just kept on drenching my face in it. If only it could wash away what happened.

Next, I moved to my arm. Dried blood was beginning to run due to the water, so I started to clean it too. I hissed at the stinging pain but I still tried to wash it out as thoroughly as I could.

So what can I do? I thought of all the possible plans as I listened to the sounds of nature reclaiming the mall all around me. Birds flew and chirped and the water continued to flow. I thought my life was over, but maybe it doesn't have to be.

If something is different and if I can't get infected, for Riley's sake, I need to fight like hell to survive.

I began to walk towards the carousel again.

As I got closer to it, I felt my heart close up. Tears pooled at my eyes and they didn't fall until I saw Riley's corpse right where I left it.

"I'm...." I started but the words faded from my lips.

What I wouldn't give to see her smile again.

My eyes slid shut as I tried to remember everything about Riley. I didn't want them to, but smaller details were already fading. I'll hold onto her, though. I'll hold onto her laugh and how her eyes looked after I kissed her when we were dancing.

I could feel my body shaking again as I tried to get the words out.

"Riley, I.... I wish things could have turned out different. I--" I let out a scoff. "Yeah, I know that doesn't mean shit, standing here like this. I guess, I really wish you wouldn't have died without me. I thought we were going to lose our minds together, weren't we?" I took a breath. "I'm sorry I'm lagging behind."

Suddenly a surge of strength flowed through me. I opened my eyes.

"You're gonna have to wait for me, though. There has to be some reason why I didn't die. I... I need to find that out."

I blinked as I remembered the note my mom left me. "Life is worth living," it had said. "Find your purpose and fight for it."

I have to fight. This sudden resolve to do something gave me hope. But I wasn't done here.

I knelt over Riley's body and slowly began to pull her up. The sickening squish of her body made me gag, but I was determined not to leave her out in the middle of the walkway. She deserved better than that.

As I pulled her over to the carousel, tears continued down my face. With a grunt, I awkwardly picked her up and sat her on the horse she had tried to ride days before. She began to slump over, but I quickly pushed her back on before she could fall down. I don't think I could stomach seeing that.

It looked unnatural, her sitting slack on the horse, but I didn't care. This will be my memorial to her, a reminder of our last day together.

I bit my lip as I touched her cold shoulder. I leaned my face against it, almost as if I was trying to will some life back into her. "I...." I paused, trying to pick my words right.

"I think I love you too."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and started to wipe away my tears. "No, I know I do."

At that, I gathered my strength and my resolve and I walked away from the person I cared for the most.

\---

I still had a few things to do before leaving the mall. For one, I only knew of one exit, which meant backtracking through the costume store and back through the apartments. However, I couldn't leave my backpack in that store.

It had my mom's note, which that was worth running into infected to get. Of all the things I own, that was one of two things that I truly cared about; the other was the knife she had passed down to me. The switchblade was a comforting weight in my pocket, so now I just needed my other possessions.

With a deep breath, I made my way up the escalator. I stood still on it, letting it take me to the top. I cracked a grin at it and I stole a look back at the carousel. My smile faltered a bit but I was ready to move forward.

The arcade was lit up and it was still as breathtakingly beautiful as it was before. Angel Knives was locked in a fierce pose on the side of her game machine. I brushed my fingers over her face, subtly realizing it made me think of Riley. No wonder she liked her so much.

I could still hear the faint music of the display in the department store, so I crouched down and slowly opened the door. While the hallway was deserted so far, I wasn't letting down my guard. My hand found my mom's switchblade from my pocket and I quietly extended it.

My heart was beating so hard, it was shaking my chest and throat like a constant earthquake. I tried to control my breathing as I snuck down the corridor. While I may be resistant to infection, I wouldn't be okay if a runner took a large chuck out of my throat, so I exercised great caution.

It was great I did because when I started around the corner, I saw an infected man standing there, hunched over and whimpering. I was so close to the door, but I had to get through him first.

In the dim light, I could tell he was facing me, so I found a bit of brick on the ground and prepared my aim. With a quick motion, I threw the brick at the infected, stunning him, before I dove at him with my knife. It was so messy, but after I stabbed him in the throat a few times, he finally lie still.

The phrase 'brick... fucking... MASTER!!!' blast into my brain and I had to catch myself from laughing. I didn't know what was on the other side of the door, so I had to keep it cool.

I took a deep breath and I opened the door as quietly as I could. And what was in the department store confirmed my fears: it was full with infected.

'Shit, shit, shit,' began running through my head, making it hard to think straight. I slowly creeped in and took cover behind an overturned shelf. It was still bright enough to see even though the flickering television sets did nothing to calm my nerves. I took stock of the situation and started making plans to knock out the infected.

There were five in the store: four runners and a clicker, which was hovering near the TVs. There was one right in front of me, so I decided to concentrate on it first.

I forced my knife out of my hand so I could dry my sweaty palm on my pants. When I thought I was ready, I gripped it again and made my way to the first infected.

'This will never get easy', I thought to myself. The infected man was shaking and mumbling something that could almost be words. I forced the memory of Riley's face when she turned out of my head; with a quick mental apology, I dove the knife into his back only to wretch it out and strike again.

With a groan, he collapsed and I followed him down so I could listen out if the attack alerted the others. Murmurs of the infected still filled the store, so it sounded like I was in the clear for now.

I only had four more to go. I could do this.

Moving like a cat, I stalked the three runners and made short work of them. But hearing their whimpers and moans did not make it easy since it reminded me that these infected were once people, just like Riley. With every infected I took down, it was almost like killing her over and over again.

I crouched down over the fourth and final stalker as I pinpointed the location of the clicker. It was clicking softly in the corner, still near the flickering TV screens. I moved around the shelves in order to get a better position behind it. The clicker jerked up and I instantly froze.

It let out a quiet wail and hunched over more; it didn't notice me. I got closer and when the time was right, I used all my strength to drive my knife right at the base of it's neck. It shrieked and I tore it out only to plunge it in again, twisting it slightly. I tumbled after the clicker, landing on it's back as it's cry quieted and it stopped moving.

Shaking, I pulled out my knife, shuttering as I heard the sound of it against the decaying flesh.

I did it. With a sick satisfaction, I rubbed my blade off on my jeans, making them even dirtier.

Okay, that's it, I am in a stupid department store; I am going to get some new clothes.

It was weird, actually 'shopping' for clothes for once. All of my clothes usually come from the academy, or from the same places I get all my other supplies from. I browsed the racks for something that wasn't too dirty or moldy. Some clothes looked just plain weird, lacy things with holes in places that looked like they were there on purpose. I moved to another shelf and I ran my hands over all the lonely shirts.

I saw an orange shirt that was pretty cool, but then when I picked it up, it had a huge rip down the side. A black shirt was next, but I didn't like the design. My eyes shifted to the clothes hanging next and I saw a red shirt with a few palm trees on it with a faded yellow sun behind it.

'Ah, hello? Surfing in LA.'

'That's right.... Surfing in LA.'

I instantly pulled the shirt off it's hanger.

After picking out a decent pair of jeans, I held them up together. It looked really cool, but then I remembered the bite mark I was sporting, right on my forearm. The moment anyone saw it, I would have a bullet between my eyes.

I scanned the racks again for an undershirt; I was not going to give up that awesome palm tree shirt for anything. A bunch of simple, long sleeved shirts were hanging on the wall and I pulled out a black one. I looked at myself in my tank-top, covered in blood and dirt, and I knew I'd feel better in a new set of clothes.

As I stretched my arms over my head to take off the tank top, I felt a twinge of pain in my side. I looked and I could see a nasty bruise forming; it must have been from my fall off the scaffolding, right before we got bit. I rubbed it tenderly, as if that would actually help.

I really liked the pair of the new jeans, but when I put on both shirts, it felt a bit thicker than I'm used to. I'd have to get used to it, though. The bite wound on my arm was finally hidden, and unless I'd want to be killed by a patrol, it's something I'm going have to deal with.

One of the many things I'm going to have to get used to, that's for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I lied about Marlene showing up here. I had a lot more to say about the end of Ellie's stay in the mall, more than I thought.
> 
> Also, her fuckin' red shirt. It showed up briefly in the department store when you're shooting water guns, so when I saw that, I knew I had to throw that in. Who gets emotional over a shirt? TLOU fans, of course!


	3. My Final Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now to continue with Ellie's story, she finds one last artifact from Riley and then she has to find a Firefly.

I went to gather my things together when I saw Riley's bag still sitting next to mine. My heart stopped as I carefully picked it up. Her bag was pretty light, and though I felt like a grave robber, I couldn't help but peek inside of it.

A few pieces of slightly stale candy fell out, which surprised me. Who can get their hands on candy nowadays? They were red and white striped, flat circles, something I've never tried before.

"Thanks, Riley, I'd love one." I murmured, popping one into my mouth. A sharp, fresh taste exploded in my mouth, but it was still really sweet. I couldn't help but smile. Also in her bag was a worn down pencil, some pistol ammo, a few scraps of paper and a cassette tape.

It really felt like I was treading on something I wasn't supposed to when I went over to the stereo to put this new tape into my walkman. However, it wasn't where we had left it. Sometime after our escape, it fell onto the floor. Or, my mind supplied, an infected knocked it down because of the racket. That didn't stop me from hooking it back up.

But before pressing play, I turned down the volume way down; I've learned my lesson now. A burst of guitar echoed, causing me to turn the volume down further.

"Oh, yeah, I'll tell you somethin'. I think you'll underst--" The track jumped and sounded garbled for a moment. "--I wanna hold your hand!"

The guy who was singing it sounded so sure, like holding this person's hand was just the best thing in the world. It's hard to believe it was so easy at one point.

More noise erupted from the speakers and in a weak attempt to right the problem, I shook my walkman, which actually made it worse.

It made an interesting warped noise before continuing what sounded like a different song. "C-close your eyes and I'll kiss you, to--" Noise started to drown out the lyrics.

"Oh dammit! Stupid thing!!" I shook it harder. A strangled yowl pierced my ears and my walkman started making a strange clunking noise.

I popped it open only to find the thin black tape from the cassette was spilling out from it's plastic case. I cursed and pulled the tape out and tried to fit it's guts back inside.

"No, no no, don't do this to me...."

After kind of fixing the tape, I placed it back in the player. "Please, please.... please work." I pressed play.

A soft piano started playing, no guitars or drums. It makes another short jump, causing me to glare at my usually reliable walkman.

"An-and in my hour of darkness, she is s-standing, right infront of--" It skipped again and I shook it.

"Let it be. Let it be, let it be--," the stereo chanted.

My cassette player finally took that moment to die on me and no amount of button pushing or shaking would bring that lovely music back. How could Riley keep such amazing music secret from me?

I gently slipped the tape out of the player and before I put it back in it's case, I flipped it over. It was a blank tape with nothing written on it. Damn, no leads on who the artist is. If only I could ask her.

With a sigh, I put the player, the original tape Riley gave me, and the other things from her bag into mine.

I had new clothes and what I was searching for, so I started to walk towards the door. But a twinkle in front of me froze me solid.

Riley's Firefly necklace glimmered in the faint light from the televisions, still sitting where it had been thrown down. That memory was still painfully fresh in my mind. When I retrieved it, the pendant felt heavy in my hand and I had to tell myself not to cry. I need to stop dwelling on the "what if's" and continue to go forward.

I slipped it into my pocket and I walked out of that terrible place.

I made my way down the hallway, finally empty of infected and then exited the arcade. Walking down the moving escalator proved challenging, but I finally made it to the bottom. Again, I was face to face with the carousel; I had to go by it in order to go back down the hallway where we started the power. Thankfully, Riley hadn't moved since I left her. With the infected running around, it's kind of easy for an imagination to run wild.

I stopped at the tables and dug into my bag. I found the pencil and one of the scraps of paper and I started to write something on it.

"Riley Abel," I wrote. I pursed my lips, trying to figure out something to write.

The lyrics from that mystery tape echoed in my mind, so after her name, I wrote: "Let it be."

I slipped the paper in her stiff hand and now I was sure, this was my final goodbye to Riley. But just like how I kept on passing by the carousel, passing by things that reminded me of her, I knew it would never be over. I'd see Riley until the day I die, whenever that ends up being.

Time to move on, or at least try. The costume store wasn't nearly as fun without her, so I quickly walked through it. As I passed Winston's tent, I noticed that the escalator here was working as well. I treated myself to one last ride, but halfway through it suddenly jerked to a stop and the lights in the mall blinked out. I stood there in the middle of the way up in shock for a moment before dutifully walking up the steps.

Everything wasn't the same without her and it hurt so damn much. Passing by the water gun advertisement and then seeing the vacation sign while walking up the stairs, it all didn't help how I was feeling.

I lurched up the broken wall of the mall and made my way through the apartments. I made a point to not look into the one bathroom we had defaced with a happy, "Ellie and Riley were here!"

Finally I was out in the clear. It looked like it was midday and it was already warming up some. My fingers tugged at my right sleeve a bit before I began walking down the street.

The only person I can turn to now had to be Marlene. The military would kill me on sight, but hopefully Marlene would hear me out before pulling the trigger. With no where left to go until I find her, I grudgingly made my way back to the military school. Now that I'm out of danger, my stomach loudly protested and demanded food. I can get a bite to eat, get in trouble with the teachers and maybe find a lead about the Fireflies.

The gates of the school seemed to glare at me as I approached them, so I glared back. Mid-glare, I was jerked aside into an alley way. I fumbled for my knife but a strong hand gripped my wrist.

"Where the FUCK have you been, Ellie?!"

Well, that was easier than I thought.

"Jesus, are you deaf, girl?" Marlene snarled at me from under the cover of a dark hoodie.

"Hello to you too, Mar--" She cut me off with a violent shake.

"You are gonna get us killed if you shout my name like that!!"

I stood my ground. "Well, take me somewhere where we can talk."

Marlene grimaced at my words, "I can't do that, you cannot get in any mo--"

Suddenly, I felt a fire erupted in me. "Like HELL you can't talk to me, I will not be ignored any longer." My blood was boiling; where did this energy come from? "I have something important to say and you WILL listen."

She looked taken aback by my viciousness. With a loud sigh, she motioned for me to follow her.

We kept up a fast pace through the town, then ducked into a building. After a few flights of stairs, she knocked four times on a door. I felt impressed that Marlene went through so much, but of course, she is the leader of the Fireflies. I guess it comes with the job.

"Marlene, what are you doing here? You usually don't stick your nose into thi--" The man noticed me and gave Marlene a weird look.

She shook her head. "We need somewhere to talk."

He blinked a few times and then gestured to a joining room. "Go ahead, knock yourselves out."

I laughed bitterly at that, which earned me looks from both of them. I was on my own for nearly three days, so I guess I'm in a weird sort of mood.

The door slammed shut and I opened my mouth to speak. "Okay. Now let me start." She interrupted me before I could even get a word out. "Where in god's name is Riley? She's past due for her assignment. And if I know her," She pointed at me. "YOU would know something about it."

I sneered at her. "Well, yeah, now that you mention it, I do know about her. And thanks, by the way, for forbidding her from seeing me. You'll be glad to hear that it worked out well." I don't usually talk like this, so brash and angry, but I just had to get it out.

She walked over to a dirty couch in the middle of the room and reclined her feet on a small table. "Well? Spill."

I knew it, she is intentionally trying to piss me off. With a growl, I tossed Riley's Firefly pendant onto the table.

Her head whipped at me when she read the name on it. "How... did you get this?"

"She got bit... and... she turned." I hid the pain in my voice with my anger. Marlene's eyes widened at me.

"What the hell?! I tell you to stay out of trouble and you two start making friends with infected! How did you get out okay?"

I took a deep breath. This was it.

"I.... I didn't, Marlene." With a shaking hand, I began to roll up my sleeve.

I have never seen a person move so fast. Suddenly, I was pressed up against the wall with her hand around my throat and a pistol against my temple. She had a wild look in her eyes and it truly scared me.

"Do you know how much danger you've put us in?! Jesus, girl!!"

"No, no, just look at it!!" I gasped out, trying to shove my arm into her face. The wound was looking much better now that it was clean. It really did just look like a dog decided to make my arm it's new chew toy.

"I was bitten three days ago. Three days ago!!"

"That is impossible. People turn within a day, two at most. You cannot lie to me!" Her hand tightened around my throat.

With a quick burst of courage, I kicked my legs and my foot connected with Marlene's knee. She buckled and thankfully didn't shoot me on her way down.

"Fucking listen to me!! Riley DIED, I wouldn't lie about something like this!!"

She looked at me like I was a grenade with a loose pin, something ready to explode. "Ellie. That. Is. Impossible."

"Okay, fine. Whatever. Go lock me up. Wait for me to turn. Then when I do, you can kill me. How's that?" I threw my hands into the air with my question.

Marlene slowly got up and then made eye contact with me. She was quiet for what felt like forever before slowly nodding her head.

"Alright, I'll lock you in the bathroom. I'll be back later." She was already shoving me towards the cramped room.

"Ah--wait, bring me food! Dammit, I'm hungry!!"

The door slammed in my face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask me when this story is gonna end because I don't have a clue, haha. My fingers are just going where the story is taking them. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it :D
> 
> Also, I don't own the Beatles at all! Please don't hurt me!


	4. Revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie is finally in Marlene's hands and the leader of the Fireflies has a plan.

My fingers traced the tiles in the bathroom wall, all the way to where they met the floor. This was the most interesting thing here, and after five hours, it was really starting to get old.

An hour into my bathroom exile, Marlene had slammed open the door long enough to shove a cold can of beans inside before wrenching the door shut again. At least she had the decency to open the can first.

I could hear murmurs of talking in the room next door and every once in a while, I'd try to listen in. Once I clearly heard the guy who had let us in loudly exclaim, 'infected', so she had an idea about what they were talking about.

"Ellie," Marlene's voice came from the other side of the door. "Ellie, are you.... okay?"

"I'm just fuckin' peachy. You should totally try this."

I heard her scoff before replying. "This is not a game. I have to know that you're... safe to be around people before letting you out."

"When was I EVER safe around people, Marlene? I even bit one of your Fireflies already. That was the first day you and I met."

A loud bang made me jump, my back colliding with the wall.

"Fuck.... Ellie. You never take anything seriously."

I didn't respond. With all that happened over the past few days, I'm trying my hardest to keep afloat. Joking and being sarcastic helped me, even if it didn't help others.

After a minute, I heard steps going away from the door. In a fit of anger, I kicked the empty can of beans where it landed right in the toilet. It was so absurd, I burst out laughing and crying at the same time.

\---

I must have dozed off on the tiled floor for some amount of time because I was suddenly, and quite rudely, woken up with the door banging open.

Marlene was poised to kill in the doorframe. Her pistol pointed right at my head.

"Ellie. How are you feeling?"

I heaved a weary sigh. "I'm tired, depressed and hungry, but at the very least I'm not craving human flesh and growing mushrooms out of my eyes."

She rolled her eyes and lowered the gun. Her hand reached out to me, offering me help getting up. I pushed it away and got up on my own.

"So what now?" I asked her. She jerked her head, motioning for me to follow her back into the main room. A chair was pulled up across the couch which I sat in. Marlene took her place across from me.

"This is still a crazy situation, you know that, right? We've been fighting with CBI for twenty damn years now and we haven't been able to get close to anything to overcome the infection. But here you are." She gestured at my arm. "Here you are, bitten but not infected."

"So," I widened my eyes at her, "what now?" I repeated.

"Now it may sound crazy, but what if this changes everything?"

"How... how do you mean?"

Marlene rubbed at her eyes with one hand but still continued. "There must be something different in you...." She went quiet for a moment, like she was trying to pick the correct words.

My hands found my mom's knife in my pocket and started to play with it. Marlene's eyes widened as she watched me play with it, which made me even more nervous. "What? Go on. I'm special."

"I... no, that's... not...." She awkwardly cleared her throat. What was that all about? Marlene was never shaken by anything.

I heaved a dramatic sigh and slipped my knife back in my pocket, which finally snapped Marlene out of her moment. "I... I want to see if we can get some tests ran on you. I think that if we figure out... what happened to you, we may be able to create a vaccine."

A vaccine. The word fluttered in my head. It's something I can strive for, something that I can do to save people from being infected.

From turning into Riley.

"What do you want me to do?"

Marlene's head turned to one side and she raised her voice. "Hey, Donovan! Grab that map for me!"

The guy from yesterday walked into the room after a minute and he looked a bit pissed off. "Marlene, I thought you were just gonna talk for a little bit, not let some infected girl pass out in my bathroom."

His words got him a fierce glare. "You know what, no. I don't butt into your business with Tess or Robert, so you don't try to bitch about mine."

"Yeah, but I don't bring smugglers into your house, though." He grumbled and rolled his eyes.

She extended her hand and Donovan slapped the folded map into it. "Thank you." She sounded like she didn't really mean it. I'm glad Marlene had a mean streak outside of me and Riley.

"Now." She unfolded the map onto the table while Donovan leaned up against the back of the couch, totally eavesdropping. I give him a glare for good measure but he just glared back.

"Now my plan is to get you to the Capital," she gestured to a large circle on the side of the map. "Fireflies from another QZ will meet us there, where we can get you to some research facilities out west. But we're going to have to wait about another two weeks until Robert gets free from his... other duties. I'm trusting him to help us there, so we can get there in one piece."

"What can't Donovan take me?"

"Girl, I do not want to get into this. Marlene can wave her gun around but even shooting me in my head won't make me go."

"Of course it wouldn't, that doesn't make any sense!" I huffed and he just made a face at me.

"Enough!" She shot Donovan a sharp look. "Yeah, this guy here has no balls and Robert shouldn't be busy next week, but my intel says there's going to be a big military sweep next Wednesday or Thursday. We'd have no chance in getting out of the city so we have to lie low and let them pass."

"So, I have to wait two weeks."

"When the time is right, we'll move out to a small safe room near the docks so we'll be ready to get on the road. Until then, Donovan here has agreed--" He grunted. "With pleasure to let you stay here."

"Wh--wait, I can't stay with you?" Oh no. I am not letting another person leave me behind.

For once, Marlene looked like she actually cared, like she had feelings other than "pissed off" and "really pissed off".

"Ellie.... I have to stay at the Firefly camp. That's the base of operations and all of my intel runs through there. If I'm able to get you out sooner, that's where I'll find out about it. If something stinks, I'll smell it there first."

"Ew."

She sighed but a small grin broke through her perpetual scowl. "Bad analogy. But it's still true."

I couldn't help letting a bit of fear creep into my voice. "As long.... as long as you come back for me."

Her hand clasped mine and held it on the table. For the first time since Riley died, I was touched by someone who cared for me. And if we were alone, I probably would have cried because it felt so welcoming.

Marlene gave me a small smile and then stood up, releasing my hand. "Alright, I do have to get back to business." She turned to Donovan. "It's hell out there, but I think Robert is gonna turn the tides for me."

"Ugh, you know I can't stand that prick. But he got me some canned bacon that one time and it almost made things better."

"I could totally go for some food," I interrupted. "Unless you do want me to eat one of you. I might be able to manage that."

Donovan snorted and moved back into the kitchen. "Gimme a second and I can dig up a little something. I've been told I don't taste too good, so I'll spare you that."

Marlene groaned and leaned towards me. "Please don't listen to a damn thing he says. He's got a warped sense of humor sometimes."

I shrugged. "It could be worse."

"That-a-girl." She gripped my shoulder and stepped closer, almost like she wanted to hug me. Her eyes drifted to my right arm and then she stepped back.

"Now... you take it easy. I'll keep in touch, but do not do anything stupid. You had to sneak out pretty big time to get into this mess, so please refrain from doing something like that again."

My head dropped and I saw Riley's pendent still lying on the table. "You don't have to worry about that." I replied in a low tone.

Marlene's finger tapped under my chin, forcing me to make eye contact with her.

"And I'm... I'm sorry about Riley. She was...." Marlene shook her head and didn't continue her sentence. Instead she gave one last smile and walked out the front door.

I didn't even have a moment to feel lonely before I heard Donovan in the kitchen.

"Alriiiiight~" He almost sang. "Let's break out the booze!!"

He entered the living room area with a cup in one hand and a plate in the other. "I'm lying, it's water. But one can dream. Here you go, kid."

Okay, now this was the best thing I had seen in days. The bread was smushed, the lettuce was a little wilted and it had a sad example of a ham slice on it, but fuck it. It was a sandwich.

"Alright so--" I chomped on the sandwich with no manners at all. "So, I'm gonna be a nosy kid, but what's your story?"

Donovan rolled his eyes and thrust a tattered napkin at my face. I took the hint and dabbed at my mouth.

"There you go, better." He took a deep breath and launched into his story. "I was probably around your age when the cordyceps hit. My dad was former military so he kept my mom and me safe for a while. I got about another year before the shit really hit the fan." His grin faded.

"My mom had been struggling with cancer, so she was only able to get her medicines and all for a few months after things really got bad. She lasted longer than we all thought, but after she died, it hit my old man pretty hard."

I looked down at my empty plate as if it was really interesting. I did ask for what happened to him; I should have known it would have been bad for him too.

"One day, he went out for supplies.... and never returned. He could have been taken out by a clicker, or some hunters. I don't have a clue at all. So I've been on my own, more or less, ever since."

I took a long sip of water before continuing with my questions. "So... what do you do now?"

Donovan reclined on the sofa, plopping his feet on the table. "Now I'm a smuggler." He said simply, like it wasn't a big deal. "I run one of the smaller rings in Boston, but I still help get things to the people who need them. Mostly I help Marlene and a few people on the outside. When I deal on the inside, it's usually Tess," His finger poked at one place on the map, "... or Robert." His finger smudged over another speck.

"And this Robert guy... you don't trust him? Yet Marlene is gonna make him take me to the capital?"

"Yeah, I don't know what Marlene is going on about. I think she's got something holding over his head, so she's trusting him to do a good job in order to get paid. In this kind of world, that'll motivate anyone. Except for me. I try to keep my feet out of sticky situations."

I bit at my lip and my hand rubbed over my right arm. "What should I do, then?"

He gave a large sigh at that. "I'd say your best bet is to follow Marlene's lead. She's a bitch most of the time, but she didn't get to be the leader of the Fireflies by failing."

"Ugh." I rubbed my forehead. "This is all too much."

"Alright, so you probed me." He crossed his arms over his chest. "What's your story, kid? Other than being an infected chewtoy."

"Oh, bite me."

"Nah, that's your vice." He gave me a wicked grin.

"Fuck you. And I'd rather not go into details. It's...." I trailed off.

Donovan nodded. "Too fresh. But I bet it had to do with a boy."

I sputtered, turning beet red. "Wh-no! It... wasn't over a boy."

"Oh no, don't tell me it's a girl!" He grinned and I felt my face turn redder.

"I.... that.... oh fuck." It was like a leaky faucet finally started dripping again. Tears fell down my cheeks as I tried to scrub them away.

"Ah, damn kid, I didn't mean to start the water works." He got up, sat on the table and put a hand on my shoulder.

"It's.... it's something I just have to get over.... right?"

He was silent for a moment before slowly talking. "Was she cute?"

I could feel my face breaking at that, so I quickly nodded. Yeah, so much for not crying in front of strangers.

"Now, don't forget that. Don't ever forget how you felt with her. It makes it easier. Kind of."

I looked up at him and noticed how his eyes looked so much kinder now. He must be speaking from experience. Of all the people I could be stuck with for two weeks, I could have done worse.

"Alright, girl, you should get some proper rest. The couch is lumpy as hell but I got a blanket to offer you at the least."

I tried to give him my sincerest smile through my tears. "Hey, I really appreciate it. Thanks."

He ducked into a small closet and then retrieved a thin blanket, which he promptly threw at me. It landed right on my wet face and I let out a muffled groan. It had a weird smell to it, one that I couldn't place at all. Still, it was more comfortable than a bathroom floor or an abandoned mall, so I settled in and tried to get some rest.

Donovan was almost constantly in motion, the bastard, but a few times I was lulled to sleep by his footsteps. He started whistling at one point, but that was something I just couldn't stand. The look in my eyes when I asked him to stop must have told him not to press the matter.

I stretched my feet out onto the armrest of the couch and tried to shut down my brain again. It was going okay until someone knocked three times on the door, followed by two quick knocks. It was a signal that Donovan seemed to recognize as he quickly opened the door after checking through the peephole.

"Oh, hey, I didn't think you'd come by 'till tomorrow."

"I had some free time and you know how Tess is with free time." A low voice answered.

"Well, give my regards to the lady."

"You know we don't live on regards, Donovan."

I heard Donovan chuckle at the man's words and then it sounded like he opened a drawer. "Alright, Texas, I got 'em right here." I heard some papers and a bag shuffling so I started to sit up.

By the time my eyes peeked over the sofa, Donovan was shutting the door. "Who was that?"

He jumped and held his hand over his heart. "Oh, Jesus. I forgot I had started running an infected orphanage in my living room."

I couldn't help but chuckle at that, even though it was so wrong. "Thanks, asshole. Gimme something to nibble on, why don't ya?"

He approached the sofa and rapped his knuckles on my head. "Sorry, you're too young for me."

"Ugh!" I flopped back down on the couch.

"Naw, that was one of my contacts. It's kind of my job, remember?" He shook a bag that rattled. "I got plenty of ibuprofen to distribute now. It's one of my most demanded items. Got a headache?"

"Yeah, his name is Donovan."

He barked a loud laugh. "Girl, you'd need more than ibuprofen to cure that."

"Now my real question is: do you have anything to do around here?"

He shrugged and gestured to something in the kitchen. "I don't got a TV but I do have a radio. I found a mostly complete Jenga set too. That should keep you occupied."

I almost jumped over the couch. "Wait, a radio!? Does it have a cassette player?"

Donovan raised his eyebrow at my enthusiasm. "Yeah, it does. It's a nice little one too; it runs on batteries."

My hand instantly dove into my bag and grabbed Riley's mystery tape. "Ca--" I started but my mouth went dry.

"Please, can you play this for me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so Donovan is TECHNICALLY a person in TLOU, but he is only mentioned by name on some of the first artifacts (Tess' list and then the Boston QZ map), so there is NOTHING for this guy. But since there is nothing to go on, I'm basically building him up like an OC. Treat him well, I'm becoming attached to him.


	5. A Reason to Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost time to move out to the Capital and see if she can save the world. But first, she finally gets to listen to that extra tape Riley left her.

I all but shoved the tape into his hand, which he wordlessly took and walked to the kitchen. I followed and sat down in a wobbly stool near the counter.

"Damn, you were rough to this tape!" He opened the case and some of the black tape slipped out.

"Is.... will it still play?"

He shrugged. "I don't see why not. Let's give 'er a whirl."

My heart was racing in my chest at finally hearing those songs again. The guitars started up and immediately, Donovan lept up.

"Oh no fuckin' way, girl! You got me The Beatles!! Best infected kid EVER!!"

I jumped at his sudden excitement and quickly tried to question him. "Wh-what, you know these guys?"

He rolled his eyes and his hands took on a life of their own. "You have no idea!! They came out like, seventy years ago, but they are timeless! I listened to them and thought about my love life. Ooh, it just made me wanna go out and get the girl of my dreams!"

"Your...." I trailed off as he sang along to the song I heard the day before, about holding hands. Riley kept this tape in her bag. Would she had given it to me if she had the chance? We could have listened to it together and danced; instead she's dead and all alone while I'm missing her with all my heart.

Donovan whooped as the song ended. The next song began with more upbeat guitars which caused him to spin and attempt to play an invisible guitar.

"Close your eyes and I'll miss you, tomorrow I'll miss you." Wait, what? I tried to keep up with the lyrics through the depressing fog still in my brain.

"All my lovin', I will send to you...." My face seemed to drop and tears wet my eyes again.

"Ah.... shit." I muttered but Donovan didn't hear. He was too busy singing along and moving to the music.

I shouldn't have taken this tape. I wasn't sure what hurt worse: the fact Riley made this tape just for me, or she never got to see me listening to it.

Another song came out, the guys on the tape loudly yelling about needing help. Donovan ate it up though and when he finally did notice that I was crying and giving him a weird look, he turned the music down a bit.

He approached me and tried to mess up my hair some; I ducked out of his grasp with a groan. "Tell me what's wrong. You gotta get it out. Talking helps."

The tape in the background still was chanting, "help!" so we both laughed about that for a second. I took a deep breath and tried to get my words together.

"She was... my only friend. We got really close, but then we had a falling out when she wanted to be one of the Fireflies." The song finished up in the background and a piano began playing with a guitar; a voice began singing some weird words that I didn't try to follow.

"And, uh...." I blinked, starting to get lost in my memories. The music began to get louder, many instruments playing at once, and then suddenly just a piano and a ringing noise. I stopped trying to keep up with it and my thoughts returned to my last day with Riley.

"We got bit at the mall," I slowly continued, trying to keep the story as brief as possible. Walking down memory lane hurts like a bitch. "I thought we could be together, she was gonna stay. That was when the... the damn infected ran in."

The color drained from his face as he started to shake his head. "So she turned and you....?" In the background, the tape finally clicked off.

My hand began to pull up my long sleeve, showing the bite. It was still red and a bit swollen around a few of the teeth marks. It didn't look anything like Riley's bite, but to me, it was the ugliest thing I could ever lay my eyes on. "I still haven't turned."

Donovan looked at me like he did want to say something, but he couldn't find the right words.

We sat in silence for a moment, both lost in our thoughts.

"Oh, uh. The tape, I need to flip it over." Donovan suddenly said nervously. He walked over to the radio and replaced the tape with it's other side.

The piano began to play and my head jerked up. "When I find myself in times of trouble--"

"This is that song!!" I exclaimed, instantly shaking my sour mood. "I got to play this tape earlier before my walkman broke and I heard this one!"

"And in my hour of darkness, she is standing, right in front of me...." The haunting melody and words soaked into my head.

I recognized when the chorus came up, so I whispered along, "Let it be...."

"Damn good song," Donovan muttered. When it finally ended, I took a deep breath and started walking back to the couch even though another song started playing.

"I'm, uh. Gonna lie down for a bit."

He followed me and offered a cup of water. Then he held out his other hand and gave me two pills.

"Good thing I got that ibuprofen in today, huh? It couldn't hurt."

I heard him starting to leave the room when I suddenly spoke up.

"Is it weird I hear our relationship in those songs?"

Donovan instantly answered "No, not at all."

\---

The next week passed really slowly. When I slept, bad dreams attacked me until I woke, shaking and crying. I saw Riley turn into a snarling infected monster almost every night. More than anything, I wanted to change the past so that I didn't fall of that scaffolding. A few nightmares attached to that hope where I was able to make it out of the window only for the both of us to fall to our deaths. Sleep became my new worst enemy, so I tried to keep occupied as much as I could.

Donovan didn't leave much, which was a relief to me. He kept me company and very amused. He didn't called me "infected girl" much anymore and I was kind of thankful for that. When I didn't think about what happened to me, I felt pretty normal. He had rescued a few board games, which were totally charming. I even got to beat his ass at poker a few times, which did perk up my mood tremendously.

But then the bite would itch a little and in the back of my mind, I'd wonder if I really was going to change; maybe it just was taking it's sweet time with me. A couple of my dreams ended with me biting Marlene or Donovan, and in a few cruel ones, I bit Riley.

One day, I heard four solid knocks on the door and I bounded up to go get it. Donovan was already there and he gave me a quick glare.

"While you're under my roof," He whispered seriously, "I am the only one to answer the door. You don't know who is on the other side."

"But that's the same knock as Mar--"

"But how many people have hands to knock on a door? That could be goddamn anyone out there." I have never seen him this serious before.

Slowly, he peeked out a little hole in the door and then, just as slowly, opened the door.

It really was Marlene. Before I could give him a knowing smirk, he narrowed his eyes at me with a deep frown.

"Uh, did I walk in on something?" Marlene raised an eyebrow.

"I was just teaching Ellie the.... finer details of not opening the door, no matter what."

She roughly patted him on the back. "Well, down boy. I have news." He rolled his eyes but visibly calmed down.

I perked up. "Are we leaving soon?"

"Not that news. But of the inspection this week. It should be tomorrow, the next day at the latest. So now you'll really have to put that 'no opening the door' rule to good use." Marlene turned to Donovan. "You still have your plan ready, right?"

"Yeah, I was tinkering it with it the other night. It should be good to go when you give the order."

"Then I'm giving the order. You guys are on lockdown for the next two days. I will send Robert around after it should be clear, and he'll bring Ellie to our safe room by the docks."

I swallowed hard, nervous that we were going to be heading out soon. "And then....?"

"Then we'll be on the road to the Capitol building. That should be less than a day's journey. There, we'll have the supplies and manpower to start going cross country."

"Wait... cross country....?" I broke the words down. "As in, go across to California?"

"We won't be making it that far, but that is the general direction. So don't pack your suntan lotion yet."

I just gave her a look and she realized I didn't know what the hell that was. She just looked over at Donovan. "Do you have enough supplies here to last you two days?"

"Yeah, and if all else fails, I can nibble on Ellie."

"Pssh, if you nibble on me, I'll nibble back. Harder."

"Children!" Marlene held up her hands at us. Donovan just grinned at me and I grinned right back. I'm glad he seemed to be out of that weird mood he was in a minute ago.

"Lockdown begins now. Please don't do anything stupid." She made a point to look at Donovan, who tried to give her his best innocent look. I burst out laughing at his attempt.

Her glare turned on me. "I'm not even kidding here. If you make a sound when the military comes through, they will break down the door and kill you."

"Yes.... mom." Marlene growled out a goodbye and then stomped out the door, slamming it tightly after her.

Donovan held out his palm. "Gimme some skin, sister."

And I did.

\---

Donovan's plan consisted of getting one of the large door clamps that the military used to keep people out of rooms, and forcing it on the outside of the door. It would look a little off, since it wasn't properly sealing the door shut, but during a sweep, it shouldn't be noticed. He said something about seeing trees in the forest, whatever that meant.

It sounded like a pretty good idea, so I didn't have much anxiety over the upcoming search. However, I was still majorly concerned about going across the country for the first time. Hell, I've never even been out of Boston.

"Alright, girl." Donovan stepped back into the apartment and shut the door with a clank. "Now here's how it's gonna go down."

He started motioning me into his room, which was furthest from the front door. In there, he had an adjoining bathroom which he pointed at. "This is gonna be our home for a few days. I'm gonna have some canned food and some bottled water--which is not easy to come by, let me tell you."

Donovan then pointed at a small window over the toilet. "This will be our lookout. I can see the street from here, which is pretty fuckin' awesome. I can see when they come and then we'll chill out. When they leave, we can thaw."

I grinned at his joke. "Sounds easy."

"But if you sneeze, I WILL kill you. So get that shit out now."

"Roger, dodger." I saluted.

"When I grab at you to move, you do so quietly but quickly. Keep that in mind! Dismissed!"

I started to walk away but then he called after me. "Wait, un-dismissed."

I scoffed and turned back around.

"I think you should listen to the rest of the tape she gave you. You really, really should."

Of all the things I would expect him to say, that was no where near the top of the list. My heart froze as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

I dreaded the walk back to the kitchen but it was a small apartment, so I was in front of the boom box in under a minute. My finger hovered over the play button as I just about bit a hole in my lip.

And then with a deep breath, I pressed it.

"--words of wisdom, let it be...!" Donovan stopped off the tape right at the end of the song that has been stuck in my head for days now. A piano played the last chords and then there was silence for a moment. I braced myself by sitting in the stool and I held my breath during the silence.

A slick guitar twanged a few notes as a drum beat along. "Something in the way she moves...."

"Attracts me like no other lover." I could feel my face turn red. I was wondering if I did want to listen to this. The lyrics continued and I realized that Riley hand picked these songs for me. I could feel my eyes water as I tried to keep it together.

"I don't want to leave her now...." That was where I lost it. I put my head in my hands and just cried the rest of the song.

I almost turned the tape off; how could Donovan say I should listen to this? This was not helping at all; this is making me miss Riley even more.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better...." I blinked as this song began playing. As I listened to the lyrics, it was almost like this song was trying to make me feel better. It was like Riley was trying to make me feel better. I must be going crazy, because this entire tape really was about me and her. Could some faceless guys seventy years ago write songs about us?

I tried to empty my thoughts as I listened to the rest of the track. For the longest time they were just chanting and while it was weird, it was oddly soothing.

The pause between tracks seemed shorter this time and suddenly, a guitar picked and strummed a light melody.

"Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right." That chorus repeated almost the entire song and somehow, it did start to give me hope. It was such a simple song with a simple message, it was actually quite effective. Things still suck, but I had things to look forward to. I had to fight.

As the song was coming to a close, the tape player clicked, signaling the tape was over. I was finally given time to think about the songs and what Riley was saying to me. For the first time in nearly two weeks, I felt warm and loved. She was gone, but my memories of her wasn't. I'd give anything to make more memories with her, but I had to go on for her sake.

What if I was able to make a difference? They'll study me, poke and prod me, then take some of my blood to turn it into a cure. It'll prevent people from the same fate as Riley.

That is definitely something to fight for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, another one down! I think that in two chapters, this story might wind up to a close. I'm still trying to find that perfect spot to end it, because as much as I'd love to go through the whole TLOU story and re-write it too, that would kill me. I'll leave that for someone else to do, haha.
> 
> I struggled really hard to make this not seem songfic-y, but I think Ellie would be like all of us: we listen to songs and apply them to our own lives. And for a tape that Riley made just for her, it made it even more relevant to their relationship. I so didn't want to copy/paste lyrics, but I didn't want to just exclude them.
> 
> I was two seconds away from replacing "Here Comes the Sun" with "All You Need is Love", but I didn't for one big reason. The lyrics in "Here Comes the Sun" talk about a "long, cold lonely winter". I KNEW I had to put that in. In my mind, a future Ellie could draw strength from this song again after her run-in with David.
> 
> So anyway, thanks for the kudos and the hits, it really makes me happy my fics are being read! Thank you all so much!!


	6. This Is It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale, Ellie finally meets the two who will take her to the Fireflies.

Finally, it was day one of the supposed military search through the areas of the Boston QZ. I felt a nervous sort of excitement because from here on out, everything was going to change. I'd finally leave this quarantine zone and go to see what my immunity can translate to the world. Of course, I would love to have Riley by my side, but I am trying to be strong in her absence. And boy, did I try.

Donovan kept a close eye out the windows to try to stay informed of what was going on outside the apartment. To amuse myself, I'd try to flick cards at him just to piss him off.

"Girl," he glared at me. "Go play fifty-two card pickup by yourself."

"Huh?"

An evil glint shone in his eye as he stalked over to me, grabbed the cards out of my hands and then tossed them into the air. They fell down over us like a weird kind of snow. One lightly smacked me in the nose but I still couldn't help but giggle at it.

"Now pick them up."

"You mean that's it? That's the entire game?" I looked at him and whined a drawn out "laaaaaame."

He grinned and went back to the window to take another look out.

The problem with fifty-two card pickup is when you didn't have fifty-two cards to begin with. Donovan didn't tell me that at first, so I was searching for a couple missing cards that were actually long gone.

I was searching under the couch again when I heard him jump. "Alright girl, it's time. I see a military truck on the way."

I dropped the deck of cards and bolted after him into his bathroom. He left the door open a crack and positioned himself right at it so he could listen out better. My heart hammered in my chest as I suddenly became more nervous about the ordeal than I was before.

"Now...." Donovan began to whisper. "Now we wait."

"So...." This was gonna be awkward. We had no clue as to when the coast was clear, so we were probably going to be waiting a while.

After a few minutes, I knew I had to make some sort of conversation. "So uh, Donovan...." I began. "Did you ever have a girlfriend?" I felt so childish asking it, but I was still curious.

He smiled a little at the question. "Well, I had one before the CBI hit, but she moved away right before my mom died. Her family wanted to go somewhere safer. I wondered how that worked out."

"What about after the infection began to spread?"

"Now that's an interesting one." He took a deep breath and squinted, like he was trying to collect his thoughts. "There was this one chick that I was... uh." Donovan suddenly stopped mid sentence.

"Fucking." I supplied. He covered his face with one hand.

"Subtle. Very subtle. Yes, it was just a physical relationship. I was messed up after my family collapsed, so I needed some comfort. Hell, I'm still messed up by it." He reached around me for a bottled water and took a sip out of it. I grabbed one too and was surprised how nice it tasted.

"Alright, a question for you." He must have noticed the worried look on my face. "Don't worry, I won't ask who you've... oh what was the word...?"

"Ha ha. Asshole." I punched him in the arm.

"Okay, so that girl of yours. Did you at least get to kiss her?"

My smile faltered and I rapidly blinked. "I, uh." Keep it together. "Yeah, our first kiss was right before the infected stormed in. She took off her Firefly pendant and then I just kissed her."

Donovan smiled sweetly at me and then looped one arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into him and gave me a lopsided hug. "Girl, remember that kiss. Memories like that you should hold until you're old."

I snorted at his rhyme but I really appreciated his words. I felt like I was holding it together better even though it still hurt. Riley's memory didn't cause instant tears in me anymore, which was just as much a relief as it was scary.

Suddenly, a large explosion sounded in the distance. We instantly lept up just in time to see a large cloud of smoke out the window.

"Ah, shit." Donovan slowly said.

"W-what does it mean?"

"I don't like how that looks. That looks off near Area Five.... Robert's turf."

"Oh, and look!" I pointed at the street just in time for him to see a large truck go back towards the explosion. "Maybe they'll call off the search?"

He shook his head, all kindness in his face was gone. Instead, he looks gravely worried.

"Fuck it. Kid, we're getting out of here."

He went into his bedroom and retrieved a backpack from behind the bed, which he came back and started to fill it with the water and a few cans of food. "C'mon, girl, I...." Donovan looked so afraid but he still pressed on. "I'm gonna get you to the safe room."

"But what about Marlene's plan?" Deviating from the plan scared me since it was already such a terrifying idea to begin with.

"We don't have time. Get your shit. I don't have a good feeling about Robert; I never did." He pulled a gun out from under his pillow and checked it for bullets.

\---

As I followed him out of the building, I couldn't stop shaking. I was beyond worried about getting caught and killed. If I was dead, my immunity wouldn't help anyone.

Donovan kept on his toes the entire time, which was a different side of him I hadn't seen before. He didn't make one joke the entire time as we snuck down alleys and through some buildings to get to the other side of town. Thankfully we didn't have to go too much out of the way to avoid the main roads, which I saw was crawling with military when I peeked out of windows. Donovan seemed to know where he was going, probably because of his smuggling operation.

He pulled back a board in the side of a building and quickly ushered me inside. We continued by the light of our flashlights through a sort of tunnel area and with every sound, Donovan flinched and twitched his gun towards the noise. I clutched my knife in my hand so hard I thought it was going to make permanent marks in my palm.

Finally, we made our way to the end of the tunnel where Donovan pushed aside another wooden board. He peeked out and then shrunk back in. "Shit." He whispered. "There are three military guys out there."

I suppressed a groan at that for fear of being caught. "What.... what do we do?"

"There's no choice. I gotta sneak up on them and... take them out."

Involuntarily, my hand reached out for his sleeve. "Please...." My voice broke. "Please be careful."

He looked just as shaken as me but he nodded and slowly crept beyond the board. I held my ear to the wood, trying to hear anything on the other side. The last thing I wanted was for him to die, like Riley. No more deaths is my strict policy now.

For a few terrifying minutes, it was silent outside. I couldn't help but think of the worst, imaging Donovan's dead body between two military guards. I shook my head and tried to clear the thoughts.

That was when the board lifted, causing me to fly forward. My knife slid from out of my hand and in one jarring moment, I wondered if I was going to die right there.

"C'mon, girl. Let's go." I was so thankful to hear his voice, I bounded up to give him a large hug. He stiffened within my arms so I pulled back to look at him.

His looked so unlike his normal self, like all the happiness he had inside was completely gone. I almost didn't recognize him he looked so different and broken. My eyes scoped out the scene before us; there were no guards in sight.

"Wh... what happened?"

He looked down and took a deep breath. "Just, let's go."

I didn't question him any further.

\---

He looked broken the rest of the way to the safe room, which made me feel equally shaken. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the words at all. We disappeared into a building that was like a large warehouse, which then lead into another building that contained a large kitchen. Donovan pushed at a heavy door and motioned me in.

The room looked more like an office and the windows looked out on the water. "Is this it?"

I could hear him swallow before speaking, "Yeah, this is it."

I looked back at him as he slowly repeated his words. "This is it."

"Wh.... what does that mean?"

"I gotta get back to my apartment. I can't stay here." I started to protest but he cut me off. "I'm sorry."

"You're just gonna leave me here?! How can you do that?" I couldn't help but raise my voice. I didn't care if we got caught by military or infected. I didn't want to be left alone.

"I'm no killer, see. But today, I killed. I snapped three guy's necks like they were sticks." He started to shake. "Like twigs."

"But that doesn't mean...."

"You don't get it, girl. When I am in that apartment, I am okay. When I am out here, I am twelve again. I'll do my job because I know at the end of the day, I'll go home."

I listened to his words grow more harsh as he spoke. "If I go with you, I don't know if I'd be able to come home."

My heart broke as he continued. "And I'm not strong enough to give that up."

"Donovan...." I pleaded, "Please, come with me."

"Girl, I.... I can't. I just can't."

I looked at him with a quiet, building anger that covered up my sadness.

"My name is Ellie, dammit."

His face wilted at the venom in my words. "Ellie.... I am so sorry."

He must have known he was betraying me so severely, even after all I've been though. But now, I realized that he was just as messed up as I was.

I bit my lip and I felt like history was repeating itself. "Then go." I was saying these words to Donovan, but it was like I was telling Riley to go join the Fireflies all over again.

Donovan gave me a fierce hug and I used all my willpower to actually return it. I could feel his heart racing in his shaking chest.

"Good luck, Ellie." He whispered into my ear.

"Yeah yo--" My voice broke. "... you too."

He pulled himself away from me and I could just make out tears in his eyes. He then mouthed "I'm sorry" but no voice accompanied it.

I watched as he slumped out the door and I couldn't believe how Donovan changed like that. It must have been a long time coming, a breakdown like that. I almost followed him out the door, wanting to just call the whole thing off.

But then I remembered Riley's face as I shot her, right after she turned. I remembered before, when we were just waiting for the end.

And then I remembered our kiss when we were dancing.

Donovan was right. I have to hold onto that.

\---

I collapsed into a chair at the desk and tried to collect myself after all that's happened. The last thing I wanted to be was alone, yet here I was, alone. I had no idea where Marlene was and I sure as hell didn't know what happened to Robert. Donovan's gut feeling about him must have been true, because hours passed and that man never showed up.

My fingers found my knife and I worried myself with it, flicking it open and closed. It seemed to soothe me and it made me wonder about my mom. That got my mind off the present, which was a very good thing.

When I see Marlene again, I'll force her to tell me about her. I only knew brief details and I thought that was a disgrace to her memory. I didn't even know how she died.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard some gunshots outside. I held my breath for a moment and then footsteps echoed in the kitchen. I heard a low voice and then the door began to open.

To my shock, Marlene fell through the door, clutching her side. I instantly went into panic mode when an strange man followed her in.

"Get the FUCK away from her!!" I launched myself at him but my wrist was caught by another woman. She had a strong and mean look on her face as she held my knife away from harming anyone.

"Let her go." Marlene slowly got up and looked up at the woman, who all but threw my arm out of her grasp. I didn't dare to put my knife away. The woman still glared at me while the man looked confused.

"You're recruitin' kind of young, aren't ya?" He muttered, which stabbed at me because I thought of Riley.

"She's not one of mine," Marlene huffed out as she went to lean on a counter. She was clutching her side as if she was wounded, so I moved closer to her.

"Shit," I breathed. "What happened?"

"Don't worry. This is fixable." I looked at her wound and wondered if she was lying to me or not.

"I got us help." I looked back at the man and woman while Marlene continued. "... But I can't come with you."

First Donovan, now her. This could not be happening. I finally found my voice and replied, "Well then I'm staying."

"Ellie, we won't get another shot at this."

"Hey--" the man approached us and interrupted. "We're smuggling her?"

"There's a crew of Fireflies that'll meet you at the Capitol building."

The man scoffed and the woman glared. "That's not exactly close," she stated.

"You're capable." Marlene glared right back. Between two scary women, I couldn't tell who I'd be afraid of more. This new woman had cuts, bruises and dirt all over her. The man looked in a similar state. And to top it off, they both had trails of blood on their clothes.

I was brought back to reality by Marlene talking about some weapons as payment for the two strangers. "You'll follow me," she was looking at the woman. "You can verify the weapons. I can get patched up." She paused for a moment.

"But she is not crossing into that part of town." Confused, I began to open my mouth when she cut me off. "I want Joel to look after her."

Instantly, the man--Joel, apparently-- stepped forward and began saying it was a bad idea. I raised my voice and chimed in. "Bullshit! I'm not going with him!"

"Ellie!" She looked so tired. I leaned in close.

"How do you know them?"

"I was close with his brother, Tommy. Said if I was ever in a jam, I could rely on him." She nodded her head at Joel.

"Was that before or after he left your little militia group?" He sneered at her.

Marlene scoffed and replied, "He left you too. He was a good man."

The woman looked at Joel. "Look, just take her to the North Tunnel and wait for me there." He looked at her with disbelief and swore.

"She's just cargo, Joel." She threw out her arms to punctuate her sentence. I jerked my head back at Marlene.

"Marlene--"

"No more talking." Her tone was final. "You'll be fine. Now go with him."

I had so much to still ask her. I wanted to know about my mom, but the other woman was already making her way out the door and Joel was commanding me to stay close. I was pulled in a million directions and I didn't know which one to take. This anxiety must have been like what Donovan felt before he left. It was completely overwhelming.

I gave one last look to Marlene, still being supported by the counter, and gave her a mental goodbye.

I listlessly followed Joel outside. I couldn't believe I left Marlene back there. She was going to die and I would have never heard about my mom from her. He began walking without me, so I picked up the pace a little, only to stop in front of some bodies.

"Whoa.... I heard all the shooting but...." Joel seemed to be the master of short phrases that made me feel guilty somehow, so I just trusted that he was a pro at this and kept on following him. What else could I do?

After a short walk, we reached a small grassy area surrounded by brick buildings. Joel jogged off and began pulling a garbage can over so we could hop onto the fire escapes. He definitely seemed resourceful, which was a good thing. He could use an attitude adjustment, though.

I clamored on behind him up the metal stairs where I caught him peeking behind me curiously. Joel jerked away at my gaze and kept on moving forward. What was his deal?

"This tunnel. You use it to smuggle things?"

"Yep." He replied simply. It would probably be easier, and more worthwhile, to talk to a brick instead.

"Like illegal things?"

"Sometimes." Again, a one word answer.

"You ever smuggle a kid before?"

"No... That's a first." I almost replied, 'there's a first time for everything,' but this man was completely different from Donovan, who easily dished out shit and small talk like it was nothing. Joel seemed to be way too tight-lipped for his own good.

So it surprised me when he asked me a question. "So what's the deal with you and Marlene, anyways?"

Wow, how would I put it? "I don't know. She's my friend... I guess."

"Your friend, huh?" He scoffed. "You're friends with the leader of the Fireflies. What're you, like twelve?"

A jolt of anger and embarrassment shot through me. "She knew my mom and she's been looking after me. And I'm fourteen, not that that has anything to do with.... anything."

He asked about my parents and I gave him a bullshit answer. I could be tight-lipped too.

We continued walking and talking. "So instead of just staying in school, you just decide to run off and join the Fireflies, is that it?"

My heart sputtered and I remembered Riley's enthusiasm about joining the Fireflies. His accusation hit close to home, so I tried to shut him down. "Look, I'm not supposed to tell you why you're smuggling me, if that's what you're getting at."

"You wanna know the best thing about my job? I don't gotta know why. Be honest with you, I could give two shits about what you're up to."

Jesus, this guy is insane. "Well great," I replied mockingly.

"Good."

Thank goodness it looked like we were where we were supposed to be, because I was already tired of talking to this guy. He opened the door and immediately plopped on the couch.

I just nervously looked at him as he got settled in. ".... What are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Killing time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?"

"I am sure you will figure that out." Joel's accent gave his voice a lazy, uninterested tone.

What an asshole. I briefly looked around the room and started making my way to a chair at the window. I looked at Joel who already seemed half asleep. My eyes flickered to his watch which had a shattered face, almost like a bullet hole.

"Your watch is broken."

He didn't respond.

I sunk into the chair, which was actually quite comfortable. It had a nice view of the outside and I could even make out beyond the border. Trees and life seemed to explode with color beyond the QZ which seemed so much better than being inside where everything and everyone was dying.

I couldn't help but open my bag and reach for Riley's Firefly pendant. My fingers ran over her name and I tried to recall how her skin felt. She seemed so far away now and it felt like years since I've seen her, not three weeks. But the bite on my arm was a constant reminder of what happened. It seemed to twinge in pain when I thought about it, so I rolled back the sleeve.

The swelling had gone down and it was all turning into a vicious scar. The outline of teeth were plain as day too; I'll never forget the face of the infected who bit me.

I got nervous looking at my scar with Joel on the couch behind me, so I pulled the sleeve back over it. Out of sight, out of mind, or so they say.

Hours passed as I stared out the window. I must have went into some sort of daze because it suddenly was night. I could still hear Joel breathing slowly, which was punctuated by half words and syllables. He must have nightmares too. I am beginning to truly realize that everyone in this world is fucked up now.

I heard him inhale a sharp breath and when I turned, I could see his eyes flutter in the darkness.

"You mumble in your sleep.... I hate bad dreams." I'm so used to talking to Donovan, I went ahead and started making conversation with this man made of stone. They were two completely opposite people, that's for sure.

Joel put his face in one hand and tiredly let out a weak reply. "Yeah, me too."

He got up and joined me at the window, so I tried talking more. "You know, I've never been this close. To the outside." I gestured at the rainy world out there.

"Look how dark it is...." He still didn't answer me. "Can't be any worse out there...." A soft light filled the room as Joel lit a lamp.

I swallowed and got up, wanting this bastard to actually talk to me. "Can it?"

If only I knew how bad things would turn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that is it! I am so glad to finish this; I don't think I've written anything this long before! I hate to end it there, but like I said in the previous chapter's notes, I don't want to retype the entire game. I think I've filled in the gap enough to launch Ellie into The Last of Us, and that's what I wanted to accomplish. What do you guys think?
> 
> And of course, touching on Donovan's character. He's a really nice guy, but like everyone else in this world, shitty things happened to him. He's still holding onto his childhood, and I do think he did genuinely like having Ellie around. But when he stepped outside of his comfort zone, and after killing people, that caused him to have a nervous breakdown. I loved writing him, though, and trying to use him to make Ellie as strong as she seems in the beginning of the game.
> 
> But just like how Winston said she wears a really good mask, I know she'll carry the people she lost every step of the way for the rest of her life.
> 
> And the final chapter up next is a little epilogue, because I really don't know when to quit.


	7. And It's Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the journey.

Life in Jackson was really quaint and I loved it. I was getting settled in nicely and I felt way better here than I ever did in the Boston QZ. My new house looked great, too, even though saying it was 'new' was being very generous. One window needed to be fixed and the water was a bit spotty, but I loved having a place to call my own.

Well, it was Joel's too, of course. I heaved a sigh.

I'm not entirely sure what to think about him. I know he lied to me; something had to have gone down in Salt Lake City. Initially, I felt like my purpose in life was stolen from me. For almost a year, I worked towards a cure, something that Riley would be proud of.

When we came to Jackson, I felt like my world had crumbled down. I had built myself on becoming a person to save the world with my immunity. More than anything, I was doing it for Riley even though it couldn't help her now. I can't believe it's been a year since I saw her, since I got bit. Even now, I was still recovering from what happened then.

But I knew I'll get the answers out of Joel eventually. When we're both ready to talk about it, we will. He's gotten way better at talking; he's nothing like the closed off asshole I met back in Boston. I was infinitely relieved at that.

I was sad, though, that that phase of my life was over, where I fought for that cure with him. I've been trying to think of something I could do now, and a few days ago while I was cleaning my mother's knife, it came to me.

She was a nurse; She helped people. I can find a way to help people the way she did. And I wanted to help as many people I can with my own hands.

I looked down at them, currently deep in the soapy sink and I sloshed the water around a bit. Doing dishes was a novelty that I gladly did because it was really soothing.

But more than anything, when I did the dishes, I pulled out the little radio Tommy found for me. It had a cassette player built in, so I would play Riley's tape as I cleaned.

"Here comes the sun..." I lightly sang. By now, I've memorized most of the words.

"Here comes the sun, and I say...."

"It's alright." Joel finished behind me. I turned and found the strength in me to smile at him for the first time in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now that is truly the end. I feel really accomplished, writing so much!! I really hope you all have enjoyed this!! I can't wait to read more Riley/Ellie fanfics too, so get a cookin'!!
> 
> And hey, I may write more. But right now.... I'm gonna replay The Last of Us.


End file.
